Another Rant!

I can't help myself but i get so damn angry that i need to have a quick rant so i no longer feel i have an ulcer...

I had Friday off work and today i was asked by the most lazy person in the office "did you have a nice day off"...to which i replied "it was ok, i just needed a day to get things done that i can't always do over a weekend".....this is what was going through my head that i wanted to reply: -

"yes thanks.....but unlike you who just takes the pi** and has days off as and when, pretending to be sick mostly, or maybe having to "pick up your car" (as that can't be done on a Saturday, and so why take the day off genuinely as "annual leave" - likely...), or who has visited about 10 different restaurants this year giving you food poisoning, mmmm, another likely.....i actually act as an adult and don't take the mick out of my contemporaries and take the day off as "holiday"!!!! I also at this point wanted to bring up the fact that when this individual has also stated she's on annual leave, on numerous occasions these days haven't even been signed off, the days that have been taken to see a "consultant", the days that they may even be in the office where approximately 2 a week are only a few hours present as the others are spent long lunching/shopping/internet shopping or time spent at the hairdressers!

But hey, you can't pick your work colleagues can you!! And you also can't bring these things up in the work place as you'd be seen as being "immature" etc.

Run Down

Ever feel like you've been driven over by a bus you feel so run down? Not sure what's occurred but since last Thursday/Friday, I have felt like my bones are red raw with aches and pains, my neck is stiff and sore and I can't sleep properly! Not sure what the reason is, perhaps just a little bit of everything.

I thought i would have the weekend to get a grip and relax to make it all better but still couldn't sleep and didn't eat from Friday night until today at lunchtime and now i feel quite sick having done so. Strange how your body reacts perhaps quicker than your mind.

Admittedly, Friday was a bad day...one of those days when you just wake up and feel really dark. I've felt like i've been grieving all over again. I can't shake it off yet i really want to.

I took my Mother's dog out on Saturday for a long country walk thinking that may help. Both the dog and i got covered in mud and really enjoyed the fresh air, yet when i dropped her back at my Mother's house, the sadness overwhelmed me again. I had taken her to one of my favourite places, an area in the woods near to my Sister, which we call the "fairy glade". I used to go there all of the time in between hospital visits when my Father was unwell so thought it would be cathartic and do me some good. I managed to let out some tears so that must be good rather than letting my feelings bottle up as usual.

But still, it's Monday now and should be feeling good again. I had a quiet weekend and as i couldn't cope with food i tried to intice myself yesterday by spending a couple of hours in the kitchen making a lovely beef casserole. Although i enjoyed the smell throughout the flat, it wasn't enough to make me eat! Oh well, losing a few pounds is no bad thing i guess. Plus, if i am hungry later, at least i have some homemade food rather than a microwave meal!

Hate to be so morbid, but hopefully the mood will change to one that is far more positive - still wish i could be hiding from the world, but can't not turn up in the office just because i feel rubbish!