Summer

Summer is such a wonderful happy season! I can venture into our garden each day and see so many beautiful changes. One of my clematis is now opening up and looking so pretty and as each day passes another flower unravels its beauty.

I believe the summer months make the majority of people more "human". You tend to hear much more laughter and see many more smiles. I for one certainly am happier when I open my eyes in the morning to see rays of sunshine squeezing themselves through the curtains. Mind you, by looking outside today, I am surprised I'm writing about summer considering it is looking so British - somewhat drizzly yet some patches of lovely blue sky.

Perhaps it's psychological that we all seem so much more sprightly when the sun comes out. It's not that our lives have necessarily got any happier? I just think, the simple things in life like slipping on flip flops and a summer dress just make you feel so much more liberated.

I'm not one to be too sad in the winter as I do love the fresh frosty mornings when you wrap yourself up in the wooliest of jumpers and put your wellies on, but i must say that last Christmas I so enjoyed my trip to Thailand with my hubby and friends.

The feeling of sand between your toes is so soothing and listening to the waves lapping up on the beach. Sheer heaven!

Let's all dream of leaving the daily routine and lazing on a hot sunny island away from the rat race!

Work Rant

So, you take 3 hours out of your day to travel to and from the office and what does that achieve? Well, you'd like to think that your time consuming travel has been worthwhile and it has been noted by your employers and other employees that you are a diligent and focused individual!

My hubby constantly nags me to take it easy, to stop getting so stressed out and to take deep breaths when it comes to work related issues, but can I? No, is the answer! My work mentality is to do the best job I can whilst I am in the office. So, when I have afternoons like last Friday in the office, I then feel the need to shout out...but I can't/don't/won't through fear/cowardness!

Last week had been a particularly busy one and from my point of view a very productive one also. By the time Friday came along, I could feel the tightness in my stomach start to ease with the thought that there was only one working day left and I would then have the weekend to spend with my darling Danny and friends. However, a Director came back after a rather long lunch, boozy I cannot be sure, and had the right hump with life so who did he take this out on? Me of course as I was the only one around. How does anyone cope with being torn to shreds in the office without making a fuss? I should really know by now as it's not the first time and definitely not the last time that I have been slaughtered/shouted at?!

I just like to lead a professional dignified working life, so when I experience days like that for example, it makes me wonder what the point is in taking so much time out of my day/week/month/year. Oh yes, how easy to try and forget, it's to pay the mortgage, bills, holidays and the fun things in life!

I guess I wouldn't take these sort of work days so much to heart if I was an employee who took the pi** with long lunches, fake doctors appointments, late arrivals in the morning and early departures at the end of the day like a few others in the office, but I do as I genuinely try my hardest to make everyone elses lives easier each day in being efficient! No, I'm no model employee I'm sure....yes, I do take the odd fag break, and yes, make the odd personal call...but in fairness, I know a couple of working lunch hours takes care of this time!

Anyway, rant being over, am guessing should get back to the drawings board so to speak.....

June

The month of June is a strange one for me. There are times to celebrate but there are also times of rememberance as my gorgeous Daddy died only 2 years ago this month. 3 years ago I married the most wonderful man and my Father was there to celebrate with us which is such a happy memory. So, this is my celebration of the month, my wedding anniversary on 18 June. However, this is not only 6 days after the anniversary of my Father's death, but also one day after Father's Day. So, it's a bizarre emotional time.

I feel a lot healthier this year in comparison to this time last year which has to be a bonus. I can therefore try to be a lot stronger. In this I also mean that I am no longer as scared as I was about showing my feelings. My husband can vouch for this as I can now cry in outbursts when feeling low without feeling the need to feel ashamed. He really is my confidante.

I have also built up a new set of friends near my home which has helped in so many ways. My husband and I moved to the area in Kent 3 years ago of which out of the two of us, it was my husband that knew the area and had friends from previous years. I am so grateful to have been accepted by so many people, and I believe they have given me the extra confidence to move on with my life without feeling guilty when I enjoy myself and share in laughter - a large fault of mine after losing my Dad was that I felt so bad if I found that I was enjoying myself.

I may have a wobbly day in the next couple of weeks, but I am determined to fight it through and try my hardest only to have happy memories of my Daddy as I know deep down he would not like me to be unhappy. It's the flashbacks I find so hard to fight; they arrive in my mind when most unwelcomed, whether at work in front of my PC or even as strangely as in the bath! These are those poignant memories of the last few days my Father was alive in hospital suffering far too much from his brain tumour.

I will always miss my Daddy, like so many others in this world miss their loved ones once they have left us. I cherish my husband for taking such good care of me, even when I am a nag or a miserable oaf!

But, I also thank my fabulous friends who have given me so much happiness and good spirit to carry on in the world with determination to keep smiling and looking forward.