The month of June is a strange one for me. There are times to celebrate but there are also times of rememberance as my gorgeous Daddy died only 2 years ago this month. 3 years ago I married the most wonderful man and my Father was there to celebrate with us which is such a happy memory. So, this is my celebration of the month, my wedding anniversary on 18 June. However, this is not only 6 days after the anniversary of my Father's death, but also one day after Father's Day. So, it's a bizarre emotional time.
I feel a lot healthier this year in comparison to this time last year which has to be a bonus. I can therefore try to be a lot stronger. In this I also mean that I am no longer as scared as I was about showing my feelings. My husband can vouch for this as I can now cry in outbursts when feeling low without feeling the need to feel ashamed. He really is my confidante.
I have also built up a new set of friends near my home which has helped in so many ways. My husband and I moved to the area in Kent 3 years ago of which out of the two of us, it was my husband that knew the area and had friends from previous years. I am so grateful to have been accepted by so many people, and I believe they have given me the extra confidence to move on with my life without feeling guilty when I enjoy myself and share in laughter - a large fault of mine after losing my Dad was that I felt so bad if I found that I was enjoying myself.
I may have a wobbly day in the next couple of weeks, but I am determined to fight it through and try my hardest only to have happy memories of my Daddy as I know deep down he would not like me to be unhappy. It's the flashbacks I find so hard to fight; they arrive in my mind when most unwelcomed, whether at work in front of my PC or even as strangely as in the bath! These are those poignant memories of the last few days my Father was alive in hospital suffering far too much from his brain tumour.
I will always miss my Daddy, like so many others in this world miss their loved ones once they have left us. I cherish my husband for taking such good care of me, even when I am a nag or a miserable oaf!
But, I also thank my fabulous friends who have given me so much happiness and good spirit to carry on in the world with determination to keep smiling and looking forward.
3 comments:
What a wonderful first entry on your blog, Lizzie! I love that you share these feelings and it is beautifully written! Just think that every shared pain gets a bit smaller! And your Dad would most certainly want you to be happy, especially with D. After all, wasn't he the one who gave you away to him? ;-)
Lizzie,
I'm a friend of Franziska's and am so stoked to see that you have started blogging. It really can be an amazing experience.
Take it one step at a time, no more no less. Your first blog touched me deeply as I have a daughter and it made me realize how precious and sacred the relationship actually is.
Welcome to the blogosphere!
Tim
Wow, thank you guys. It's quite mad really that you can write and get such thoughtful comments back - i'm touched. Let's hope i can continue on a role....
Lizzie
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