Run Down

Ever feel like you've been driven over by a bus you feel so run down? Not sure what's occurred but since last Thursday/Friday, I have felt like my bones are red raw with aches and pains, my neck is stiff and sore and I can't sleep properly! Not sure what the reason is, perhaps just a little bit of everything.

I thought i would have the weekend to get a grip and relax to make it all better but still couldn't sleep and didn't eat from Friday night until today at lunchtime and now i feel quite sick having done so. Strange how your body reacts perhaps quicker than your mind.

Admittedly, Friday was a bad day...one of those days when you just wake up and feel really dark. I've felt like i've been grieving all over again. I can't shake it off yet i really want to.

I took my Mother's dog out on Saturday for a long country walk thinking that may help. Both the dog and i got covered in mud and really enjoyed the fresh air, yet when i dropped her back at my Mother's house, the sadness overwhelmed me again. I had taken her to one of my favourite places, an area in the woods near to my Sister, which we call the "fairy glade". I used to go there all of the time in between hospital visits when my Father was unwell so thought it would be cathartic and do me some good. I managed to let out some tears so that must be good rather than letting my feelings bottle up as usual.

But still, it's Monday now and should be feeling good again. I had a quiet weekend and as i couldn't cope with food i tried to intice myself yesterday by spending a couple of hours in the kitchen making a lovely beef casserole. Although i enjoyed the smell throughout the flat, it wasn't enough to make me eat! Oh well, losing a few pounds is no bad thing i guess. Plus, if i am hungry later, at least i have some homemade food rather than a microwave meal!

Hate to be so morbid, but hopefully the mood will change to one that is far more positive - still wish i could be hiding from the world, but can't not turn up in the office just because i feel rubbish!