Moving on..

Life has changed dramatically over the last couple of weeks in hope that i may start building a new life for myself. This will sound particularly selfish and indeed it really is.

I have moved away from my marital home in hope that i can search for a new beginning in my life which will create a happiness and fill a whole in my soul that is missing. Along the way, i have caused a great deal of pain which i can only ever feel inside without being able to make anyone else feel any better, i will always have the guilt of hurting others. I will always be sorry to have upset someone so close to me but will also always hope that in the long term this special person will find an overwhelming happiness after rebuilding his life/world.

I had a week away from the office so i could focus on my new life. I managed to do my usual "head strong", "get on with it", "on a mission" usual where i wasn't going to leave town last Monday without finding a new place to live. So my search began, and this is when i started to feel so alone!

Of course i came across totally confident to the individuals i met along the way as i don't know any other way of expressing myself to strangers, but really inside i felt rather exasperated as though if anyone should hold me, i would have felt like collapsing in tears in recognition of the fact that i had made the gigantic step to new depths of my life.

I have found a new place to live in which i would hope to be able to call home in the future. I have further to travel to and from work but i know i can get by and keep the motivation there to carry on, as i need to remember it's only me i can blame if i am not happy in my new world. I instigated the whole change, therefore it is down to me to make it the right one!