I spent Sunday with my Sister and friends in Suffolk. It was my big Sister's birthday and to celebrate we went and enjoyed a long lunch in the Moon and Mushroom pub out in the countryside followed by a few bevies in my Sister's local in Bramford. It was a perfect day and the sun was kind enough to come out in the afternoon.
I took Monday off work so I could stay overnight on Sunday not having to rush back.
But when I arrived home, although happy to be back and to see my hubby, I am still feeling a little numb from being away from the area that I know so well and feel so comfortable in. I love Suffolk and I always will, but it isn't just the people I know that I miss or the areas I recognise, it's the whole feeling of being there. You can go into a shop and get a big hello or just simply walk down the road and a stranger will smile and you don't feel that there is anything wrong in this, it is pure kindness and that is it. You don't have to read into any of this in more detail, people are generally different and just happy to see you.
I think aswell my Sister Catherine and friends in Suffolk have totally different working & social worlds from me. I take out 12 hours a day just to go to work, so don't have the time to be able to have a pet/pop to Sainsbury's/go to the gym etc. during the day or quickly after work....for me, I can't even think of doing anything until i arrive home at about 7.15pm on an average day and by then feel too shattered to have the motivation!
Perhaps I feel ready to change my whole lifestyle, but it's never as easy when you put into practice. How guilty would I feel if I worked nearer to home and my husband was still to trudge into London each day!?! The household income would shrink dramatically although the bills wouldn't! I cannot rely on my husband to sort out all the financial bills etc. Although I can see myself with a puppy, a couple more hobbies etc. I cannot see how I would be happy with not only sending my husband into London each day so I could enjoy a job close to home, but also, most of my friends would be at work anyway so I wouldn't even get to see them. Plus the community is different from Suffolk, it's not that I would necessarily get the buzz of standing and chatting to those near to home during a working week, they're all too busy in their worlds.
Perhaps I just need to have a shake up in my head and get back to motivating myself to carry on as normal!
2 comments:
You do know though that D. would be more than happy for you to work closer to home... he told me a couple of months ago that he wished you wouldn't work in London because it takes it out on you.
Maybe something to think about ;-)
Lizzie, you project the fact that you do not make changes in your life onto your husband. The wish to move away is only an attempt to find a way to fill a gap in your life. You may move and be happy for a while but the guilt willl follow you because you will not have dealt with the gap. You will only have run away from it (with it). We all have the ability to feel contented in all sorts of situations. But first we must discover the truth that we are not willing to face. Are you ready for the truth or do you simply want to run away?
Ronnie
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